Change Your Ways, Try a New Type of Partner

By admin

If there’s one thing that is guaranteed to age us, it’s habit. We have an entire lexicon of pejorative terms to describe compulsive behaviour: “stick-in-the-mud”, “hidebound”, “set in his ways”, “rigid” and a dozen others, all of which connote both ageing and an unbending attitude. Of course, the worst cases are diagnosed as a disorder (OCD), but we’re discussing the simple repetition of our daily activities here, not a condition that requires therapy.

Habitual behaviour might not seem a pertinent topic for a dating site, but look at it this way: at our age, we’ve been around the block a time or two and have become accustomed to a certain type of partner. The result of this is that we’re inclined to seek out those who most closely resemble our former mates, through habit. And the underlying impetus for this is what we like to call “security”, a trap into which we can fall without a second thought.

We are taught that security is a state much to be desired. But is it, really? The verb “secure” means to tie down, to immobilize, the make escape impossible. It means staying in one place, with no hope or expectation of movement. Remember that the most difficult prisons to escape are called “maximum security” facilities, and that the sleekest yacht goes nowhere once it’s been “secured’ to the dock. In short, security is antithetical to spreading one’s wings and exploring all the available possibilities.

What does this have to do with dating? Everything. If you constrain yourself to the one type of person you feel secure with, you may very well be missing out on the most interesting person you’ll ever meet. By allowing yourself to be enfolded in the security blanket of old habit, you shut out a vast array of fascinating people who may not fit the mold of your usual choices. In brief, by seeking out those who resemble past loves, you eliminate the possibility of exploration and adventure of an entirely different type.

So, next time you’re perusing profiles and pictures, skip those who look familiar and concentrate on the ones who appear unusual. For example, if you’ve always preferred blonds, check out the brunettes; if you are automatically drawn to the clean-shaven, look into the possibilities of facial hair. The same goes for profile information: if you have never considered anyone other than a professional, start conversing with a secretary or a carpenter. This is not to imply that you will invariably make a love connection if you expand your horizons, but it will certainly help you break some unproductive old habits and may very well lead to a rewarding new friendship.