Have These Problems Been Solved So That You Can Move On?

By admin

In order to determine if a person is ready for a new relationship, it is important to understand what caused past relationships to fail. Whether a person has a history of choosing the wrong kind of person or if the problem lay within them, these things must be addressed if the next relationship is to be successful. The most common problems that couples must address are sex, money, children and emotional issues.

Sometimes sex is a problem for a new couple because people almost always bring baggage from the past into their new relationships. Either the sexual relations were very good before or they were very bad. A woman who did not receive the desired amount of attention from her last partner may bring neediness or clinginess into her next relationship. A man may have been a bit more adventurous than his last lover and so may scare off a new lover with too much aggression in the bedroom. Once a person has determined what they need their love life to look like, it will be much easier for them to find a person who will be compatible in that area.

Money is another issue that should be addressed before a relationship becomes serious. The common misconception is that the woman is the big spender in the relationship and the man must always be at the ready to rein her in. That is not always the case, so it is vital that a newly formed couple make an appointment to sit down to talk about money when there is no emotion involved. For example, the evening after a bumpy date where the conversation was stale and the dinner was undercooked is not the right time to talk about anyone’s feelings about money. It is also not the right time to talk about money after a nice long romantic weekend. There are too many emotions involved with personal finances to handle this one lightly. Once a person is confident with their money decisions and the plans they have for the future, they can begin to have a real conversation about finances with a new potential mate.

Children are the apple of many people’s eye but for others they are the pits. It is unfair of one half of a couple to think they can rope in a lover who does not want to have kids and then plan to change their mind after some time has passed. It is much kinder to everyone involved, including the future child, to let this partner go and let them find someone with the same desires. Once it has been determined that children are an absolute must, the right choice would be to wait until another person comes along who also really wants kids. On the other hand, if children are negotiable, something can always be worked out. Perhaps the ‘right guy’ has come along and he cannot have or does not want children, so the woman might be willing to satisfy her desire for children by volunteering with Big Brothers/Big Sisters, or she could find a job in a day care center.

Probably the most common thing that breaks up a relationship is emotional issues. Past relationships can bring much baggage into the new one if they are not nipped in the bud before they get out of hand. Insecurity is one of the biggest culprits. This insecurity could stem from way back in a person’s childhood or maybe just from the most recent relationship. The stereotype is always that the woman is clingy and craves attention at all times, but men can be equally needy. Another large piece of baggage comes from a past abusive relationship. Men and women both are abused, both mentally and physically.

If these problems have not been dealt with, and the best way to do that is with professional help, then a new relationship should not even be considered. It all boils down to this: A person must live with themselves for the rest of their life, but most relationships come and go. While people who do not yet know themselves keep themselves wrapped up in relationships all of the time, the deep rooted problems remain masked and can not be fixed. Once a person understands what they want from life and really know who they are, it is then time to find a brand new partner.